(no subject)

[jaebility]

Auron didn't know who had suggested it and he was baffled as to why he had ever agreed with it, but he now knew with an unrelentingly certainty that giving the first watch to Rikku and Tidus was the absolutely worst idea ever to have the misfortune of being thought.

First they had squabbled over who had the right to sit on the log which had led to a clumsy wrestling match. After exchanging loudly whispered insults, they decided to solve their dilemma by hosting a drinking contest. Between the two of them not only had Lulu's supply of medical alcohol been completely demolished, but the ceremonial bottle of spirits presented to Yuna from a grateful village and Wakka "secret" stash of Besaid wine had all been emptied. Tidus' stupid grin had been wiped off his face when he threw up the contents of his stomach (Auron allowed himself a snort of laughter at that) and after a bucket of water was dumped on him by a helpful Rikku, he had no choice but to relinquish the throne.

After that, Auron had blissfully and ignorantly believed that they'd finally shut up and he'd finally get a precious few hours of sleep. They stayed silent for a good ten minutes before they were gabbing again, chattering away about some more trivialities.

"Okay, here's your question. Let's say that Sin killed everyone but you and one other person. Oh, and he's of the opposite sex. Who would you pick to repopulate the world?"

Auron was amazed that Tidus had the capacity for such thought after consuming so much alcohol, but, he reasoned, none of it was particularly strong (Wakka's prized wine was little better than fruit-flavored water), and the wave of cold water had apparently returned the few senses the boy could lay claim to. Auron slouched deeper into his coat and desperately wish that he'd been struck half-deaf as well as half-blind.

"Someone really hot, I guess," Rikku said with a giggle. "He might as well be, since I gonna have to bang him so much."

"Good point. And someone who won't be too annoying. I mean, you'll be spending all your time together since everyone else is dead."

Rikku giggled harder. "What if the only other guy was Wakka? Man, would that ever suck."

"The population would be doomed." Tidus agreed with a giggle of his own. "All right, all right, so who else would make the worst couple ever?"

"You and Lulu," Rikku was desperately trying to keep her voice low, lest she wake an angry sorceress, "She's kill you before you got your pants down."

"Auron and Lulu?"

There was a long pause (sweet silence!). "They'd probably just sit around looking at each other."

Tidus giggled again. "Okay, okay, okay, imagine this: Auron attempting to seduce Lulu." Tidus, amused beyond words at his own creative abilities, laughed until he was gasping. "He'd take off his coat really slowly and swing it around and then he'd be doing this dance and-"

"Nah," Rikku's voice had a distinct coolness to it, "He'd grumble something about duty and honor and then walk into the sunset never to be seen again."

"Poor Lulu would miss out on some hot Auron action."

Auron groaned and clenched his fists. Why, for the love of Yevon, had he not realized earlier that something like this would happen? He'd teach Tidus a lesson or two in the morning, Jecht be damned.

He found an unlikely defender in Rikku who seemed as displeased at the direction the conversation was going as he was. "Leave him alone. You shouldn't make fun of him, considering how many times he's saved your ass."

"Ooh, touchy." Tidus didn't seem to want to drop the subject, however. "Let's get back to the original question then. You've got to pop out enough babies to restart the race. Who's the dad gonna be?"

"Who's the mom gonna be?" Rikku shot back at him. "Let me see if I can answer it for you. She'll have to be nice and patient since she'll be putting up with you."

"Hey..." Tidus grumbled at the insult, but Rikku kept going.

"Brown hair, good dancer, pretty voice, two different colored eyes-"

"There's nothing wrong with me liking Yuna!" Tidus interrupted. "I mean, what's not to like about her? She's interesting and caring and-"

"Me, on the other hand," Rikku said, her voice nonchalant, "I like a little more roughness. He'll be tall (unlike you, Tidus) so I can sit on his shoulders and see over crowds. And he'll be smart (unlike you, Tidus) so I can ask him about what the deal is with these shoopufs and what happens when they crap. Who the hell would want to clean it up? And he'll be strong (unlike you, Tidus) so he can carry me around when I get tired. Oh, and he'll be able to grow facial hair. Unlike you."

"We all don't grow up at the same time, you know," Tidus pointed out sagely, "That's why you're still a kid and Yuna's all woman."

"And you're all idiot."

Comments

[succubuskayko.livejournal.com]

I think I like the last part about facial hair the best. ^^;;

[verdictlesslife.livejournal.com]

Hehe me too. XD