daisuke/ken drabble
Dec. 1st, 2009 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jaebilityI grabbed Ken's hand before he or I or anyone could do anything about it and I ran hard across the street, dragging him behind like I was an unruly dog barely contained on a leash. They tried really hard, but none of the cars - not even the truck of fish - ran us over.
Cross the street, sidewalk, up over the fence. I had to stop on the other side and do a dance of impatience while Ken dithered and dicked around.
"Daisuke," he said from the other side of the bars, "this is probably the ultimate of bad ideas that your lifetime of ridiculousness has produced."
"Ok, I don't really know what you just said. But this isn't half as bad as the time I tried to climb up all the way to your window."
"Penultimate, then."
"I think you're full of shit and you were just setting yourself up so you could say 'penultimate.' Whatever it means."
Ken's eyes narrowed and I held my breath in my lungs until it burned and made me dizzy. Then a sigh slid out from his lips, and he lifted on of those long legs up and hoisted himself over the fence, smooth as water falling.
I jammed my hands into the darkest depths of my pockets so they wouldn't grab at him again. Once could be brushed off as meaningless, twice would be plain old friendship suicide.
Cross the street, sidewalk, up over the fence. I had to stop on the other side and do a dance of impatience while Ken dithered and dicked around.
"Daisuke," he said from the other side of the bars, "this is probably the ultimate of bad ideas that your lifetime of ridiculousness has produced."
"Ok, I don't really know what you just said. But this isn't half as bad as the time I tried to climb up all the way to your window."
"Penultimate, then."
"I think you're full of shit and you were just setting yourself up so you could say 'penultimate.' Whatever it means."
Ken's eyes narrowed and I held my breath in my lungs until it burned and made me dizzy. Then a sigh slid out from his lips, and he lifted on of those long legs up and hoisted himself over the fence, smooth as water falling.
I jammed my hands into the darkest depths of my pockets so they wouldn't grab at him again. Once could be brushed off as meaningless, twice would be plain old friendship suicide.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-02 02:48 am (UTC)Can I make one small nitpick?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-03 07:40 pm (UTC)Glad you like it! It's just a drabble - I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing short stories. And YES definitely nitpick! I need all the criticism I can get!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-14 11:08 pm (UTC)I think the only thing that threw me off was the "Daisuke-kun" honorific? Throughout the whole show, Ken moves from using "Motomiya-kun" (IIRC around the whole soccer game episode) to "Motomiya" after Ken starts working with the others, and then to "Daisuke" after they become better friends. (For Daisuke, it's just a shift from "Ichijouji" to "Ken.")
was unruly dog
Just needs an "an" in-between, and you're good to go!
Like I said, I really liked this drabble.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-07 09:20 pm (UTC)You're right! It's been ages since I watched the sub version of the show - I should go back and make sure I get my honorifics right.
Just needs an "an" in-between, and you're good to go!
Oops! Thanks! I'm so bad at proofreading my stuff.
And thanks for reading!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-04 02:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-18 03:58 pm (UTC)