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Coraline drabble
Of Being a Superhero
Coming up with a good superhero name was the hardest part. She thought The Beldamnation! was pretty good, but Wybie pointed out that the only ones who'd understand was him, Cat, and some ghost-angel-kids who were totally dead anyway. Next was The Crushinator, which probably the coolest superhero name in existence. When Wybie said that it sounded like a monster truck, she crushinated him. His sidekick name was easier to think up: Slugzilla Boy, with the power of a dozen slugs! They both wanted to be able to fly and that was definitely share-able. He wanted superspeed, but slugs were totally slow (duh, sluggish?), but she graciously allowed him to have superslime. She got superstrength and superintellect, and also a pair of giant pruners to trim the branches of evil from the tree that is society. He got laser swords that she could use if she asked nicely, and his new bike that he just finished that morning with a seat big enough to fit both of them was their official supermobile. SuperAWESOMEmobile.
Evil nemeses included but were not limited to the vile Homework Enforcer, the mutant twins Lady Naked and Lady Nude, that big tree-stump-thing that looked like a giant lobster from certain angles, and the VW Beetle OF DOOM!. They stood at the fairy circle at the well, wondering if the needle-hand was still swimming, still searching for the key, or if it was climbing out with it… And Coraline could still see her – see it – if she closed her eyes, and she started thinking about the Other Wybie and how she hadn't been the hero he needed… So they agreed, with a handshake that went on for a long time until it was basically just handholding until ew, why would she ever hold holds with Wybie, to leave the Beldam and/or any of her parts out of the game.
So: The newly dubbed The Crushinator and Slugzilla Boy's first mission was to get to the moldy old cinema in town to see Space Squids 2: The Bloodbath or all life as they knew it would come to a violent and explosion-y demise. The Crushinator said Slugzilla Boy should sit in the back because who ever heard of sidekicks getting to drive? But Slugzilla Boy said that it was his bike and he made it and besides, who ever heard of driving a bike? So then The Crushinator said that was just semantics anyway and Slugzilla Boy said no one who wasn't crazy said things like semantics.
Deceit and treason among the ranks! The Crushinator knew that her faithful sidekick had fallen to the dark side and it was up to her to save the day. So she chased him around the Pink Palace until he tripped over Cat, and she climbed up onto the wall to laugh the laugh of justice but then jumped down to hoist Slugzilla Boy back to his feet. The Crushinator graciously announced that she'd ride in the back and Slugzilla Boy could drive, but that meant that he had to buy the popcorn.
[Cross-posted to my IJ.]
Coming up with a good superhero name was the hardest part. She thought The Beldamnation! was pretty good, but Wybie pointed out that the only ones who'd understand was him, Cat, and some ghost-angel-kids who were totally dead anyway. Next was The Crushinator, which probably the coolest superhero name in existence. When Wybie said that it sounded like a monster truck, she crushinated him. His sidekick name was easier to think up: Slugzilla Boy, with the power of a dozen slugs! They both wanted to be able to fly and that was definitely share-able. He wanted superspeed, but slugs were totally slow (duh, sluggish?), but she graciously allowed him to have superslime. She got superstrength and superintellect, and also a pair of giant pruners to trim the branches of evil from the tree that is society. He got laser swords that she could use if she asked nicely, and his new bike that he just finished that morning with a seat big enough to fit both of them was their official supermobile. SuperAWESOMEmobile.
Evil nemeses included but were not limited to the vile Homework Enforcer, the mutant twins Lady Naked and Lady Nude, that big tree-stump-thing that looked like a giant lobster from certain angles, and the VW Beetle OF DOOM!. They stood at the fairy circle at the well, wondering if the needle-hand was still swimming, still searching for the key, or if it was climbing out with it… And Coraline could still see her – see it – if she closed her eyes, and she started thinking about the Other Wybie and how she hadn't been the hero he needed… So they agreed, with a handshake that went on for a long time until it was basically just handholding until ew, why would she ever hold holds with Wybie, to leave the Beldam and/or any of her parts out of the game.
So: The newly dubbed The Crushinator and Slugzilla Boy's first mission was to get to the moldy old cinema in town to see Space Squids 2: The Bloodbath or all life as they knew it would come to a violent and explosion-y demise. The Crushinator said Slugzilla Boy should sit in the back because who ever heard of sidekicks getting to drive? But Slugzilla Boy said that it was his bike and he made it and besides, who ever heard of driving a bike? So then The Crushinator said that was just semantics anyway and Slugzilla Boy said no one who wasn't crazy said things like semantics.
Deceit and treason among the ranks! The Crushinator knew that her faithful sidekick had fallen to the dark side and it was up to her to save the day. So she chased him around the Pink Palace until he tripped over Cat, and she climbed up onto the wall to laugh the laugh of justice but then jumped down to hoist Slugzilla Boy back to his feet. The Crushinator graciously announced that she'd ride in the back and Slugzilla Boy could drive, but that meant that he had to buy the popcorn.
[Cross-posted to my IJ.]
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Like the way the superhero adventures are written with such haughty matter-of-factness yet also childish enthusiasm, it's so perfect.
Great line: When Wybie said that it sounded like a monster truck, she crushinated him.
Also love the hint of tragedy/seriousness within the comedy, what with them deciding not to include the beldam in the game and Coraline's regrets about the Other Wybie.